updates

  1. i’ve been rly absent lately because there’s about 4 metric fucktons of family stuff going on right now
  2. like dad moved jobs officially
  3. which means we have to move house next week
  4. which means I’m spending most of my time scrubbing the house down
  5. plus i’ve been looking after mum a lot because she’s sick and worried
  6. and i need to get ready for my social psych exam
  7. and i need to pack to pop over to bristol for a few days

so basically, yeah, i’m really sorry but tumblr hasn’t been a priority at all x: i’m queueing up some stuff now which should last a few days.

<3 everyone!

So I think after flip-flopping all over the place on this - freaking out and scrambling for labels and getting myself pretty upset at times - I think I’ve worked out what the hell happened to my sexuality over the last month.

I think it’s more fluid than I thought, in that I fluctuate between 'if my attraction to men was a percentage it would round to zero' and 'some men are hot i guess'. Since I was attracted to so few dudes this last month, I ended up thinking I wasn’t attracted to them at all because I couldn’t find any that don’t look like a mouldy bit of bread.

What also didn’t help with abating my confusion is that I’m much more attracted to people who aren’t men, and I’m incredibly wary of being with a guy because of misogyny and recent shitty personal experiences. I think my negativity towards the experiences I’ve had was mixing with my understanding of my sexuality, which made it hard to discern between “I’m scared of that” and “I never ever want to do that”.

TL;DR: I’m still attracted to all genders, but my attraction to men is fluid and fucked up because I’ve had some bad experiences with them.

Sorry for the confusion and annoyance, but everything people said was helpful, and I’m kind of glad I went through this little crisis because I understand myself a bit better.

Acknowledging that something is hard on everyone involved doesn’t mean everyone’s experiencing the same level of hardship.

so just a recap of my coming out experiences

  • First girl crush at 5
  • First thought of “am I a lesbian” at 8
  • ID’d as ‘straight but not narrow’ and a ‘straight ally’ at 14
  • ID’d as bicurious at 15
  • ID’d as bisexual at 16
  • Realised I wasn’t attracted to men at 19, but still ID as bisexual

not being hetero is really fucking confusing, basically. If people talked about sexuality maybe I’d never have had to go through the things I did in working out who I am.

btw that was my official re-coming out as bisexual; no prefixes, no clarifiers. 100% bisexual babe.

I’ve always felt I have to clarify my bisexuality, first with queer and then with gay/lesbian.

  • Because bi people are labelled undateable by monosexual gay and lesbian people.
  • We’re said to have hetero passing privilege regardless of whether or not we’re even attracted to the relevant binary gender.
  • OR we’re blatantly labelled heterosexual attention seekers, cheaters, and confused people going through a phase.
  • We’re erased in discussions of mogai rights.
  • Our issues are overlooked, and our community underfunded and underrepresented.
  • We’re not worth the mainstream community’s time.

No matter how we identify and who we date, we’re never gay enough to be included, and that gatekeeping needs to end.

You’re valid no matter what genders you’re attracted to, and how you choose to identify. You matter. You deserve respect. Don’t let yourself believe that you have to drop or prefix your bisexuality to achieve those things.

I think bisexual lesbian would be the perfect identifier for me if it didn’t basically stick a massive target on my back for biphobic radfems to attack me.

multisexual lesbian separates me too much from the bi community i’m a part of, and nonandro bisexual is long-winded and hard to understand.

but I am bi - I’m attracted to multiple genders - and I also identify v strongly with the label lesbian because of my preference for women and lack of attraction to men.

opinions?

emiello:

thing is, am i a multisexual lesbian or a nonandro bisexual?

and if i’m the first, what safe space am i meant to be in? Am i too gay for bi tumblr and not gay enough for lesbian tumblr?

wait hang on, is there even a difference between these labels or am I just using different names for the same thing and seeing which is most comfortable?

and I mean, surely ‘multisexual lesbian’ could be considered under the bi umbrella anyway, therefore making me bisexual first and a multisexual lesbian second, regardless of which i use as my primary identifier? Like how all catholics are christian but not all christians are catholic.

thing is, am i a multisexual lesbian or a nonandro bisexual?

and if i’m the first, what safe space am i meant to be in? Am i too gay for bi tumblr and not gay enough for lesbian tumblr?