If you use the word monosexual in a vent post you will get slammed for lumping gay people in with straight people and demonising them, if you use the word non-bisexual in a vent post you will get slammed for lumping gay people in with straight people and demonising them, I’m starting to think the problem is not saying “but not gay people” here.
"not ALL gay people"
ugh. It’s becoming more and more obvious this isn’t about homophobia at all. It’s about people refusing to give a shit about biphobia.
bisexual survival tips: don’t trust any non-bisexual people. ever. just trust me on this one.
yeah don’t ever trust those dastardly evil gays amirite
See this is the guilt tripping victim blaming shit we keep talking about, yeah specifying non-bisexuals totally just means “dastardly evil gay people”, that’s exactly what this post was saying, what are straight people and other multisexuals amirite? What’s biphobia?
omfg this isn’t just about gay people. It’s not just about you. It’s about anyone who isn’t bisexual, and promoting bi solidarity. Because believe it or not both hetero society and the MOGAI community are unsafe spaces for us and we need to be prepared for and aware of that.
Get your fucking biphobic victim complexes the fuck away from our community.
Link content warning: heterosexism, torture, rape, transmisogyny
1. I believe this a response to emiello considering to identify as a multisexual lesbian? In which case I’d understand the frustration
2. 
3. The marriage/past relations with men = definitely bisexual thing needs to stop from mga tumblr. Plenty of lesbians married men for financial/social reasons.
4. Wow, it’s telling how her first reaction to “transphobia in the lesbian community” was “but penises”. Yes, being in a position of cis privilege means unpacking the idea of gender = genitals. And being in a position of any privilege means examining your prejudices against those considered repulsive by society. But somehow “consider your prejudices” = “have sex with them right now”.
- Actually, it was a response to me explaining why defining lesbian as attraction to vaginas is profoundly transmisogynistic.
- yeah, ‘citation needed’ is only touching the surface of that clusterfuck of biphobic historical revision.
- Similarly can we stop the train of thought that goes same-gender relationship = definitely gay/lesbian? The train of thought that’s kind of, you know, massively biphobic and encountered significantly more often in discussions of sexuality? At the end of the day we can’t really say what Lawton’s sexuality was but we know her behaviour which is all we can infer from.
- appro-inappro is a massive twef, brs, and swef, so the entire notion of respecting women is lost on her.
Luke O’Donovan is currently serving a two-year sentence for defending himself during a gay-bashing. He is vegan and is currently not receiving vegan food in prison, despite repeated requests from him and his lawyer. We are asking for a national call-in to the jail. Please call 404-613-2000 and 404-613-2002 and demand an adequate vegan diet for Luke—and please forward this to like-minded friends. For more information on Luke, his case, and other ways to support him, please visit http://www.letlukego.wordpress.com.
Just wanting to stress how important y’all’s support on this would be to me. Please call, share, write, check in on developments. I never met Luke, but a lot of people I really care about, really care about him and his situation is every sort of terrible bullshit.
"Well I’ve experienced this sort of stuff:"
Oh, god, here we go.
"lesbians policing other multisexual women’s use of terms like femme"
How dare those uppity dykes not want us using their words? You know, the ones they came up with to refer to themselves, and maintained through two hundred plus years of hiding, medicalization, institutionalization and oppression. Yeah, how dare they.
"lesbians erasing multisexual women’s history within our shared community"
Oh, please. Noone’s saying bi women weren’t there, what we’re saying is that some things didn’t include bi women, like “femme”, for instance.
"lesbians claiming bi women are ‘sexually available to men’ just by virtue of being bi (rape apologism)"
Bi women, by definition, are OPEN to sex with men. That’s the entire point of the “bi” thing. Pointing that fact out isn’t rape apologism, what the fuck.
"elitism like the notion of ‘gold star lesbians’ who are ~untainted~ by relationships/sex with men."
Oh my god, we honestly can’t have anything, can we? You wanna steal femme to talk about your fucking eyeliner, but pooh-pooh on gold star? The day you’re a lesbian, you can pass judgement on the terms my community uses to refer to ourselves. Until then? You’re an outsider and don’t know half as much as you think you do.
"the widespread notion that bi women are attention seekers and will leave lesbians for men"
And what’s the percentage of bisexual women who end up in hetero relationships long term, again? Might be some truth in stereotype.
"the widespread notion that multisexual people don’t actually exist, or don’t experience systematic oppression based on their multisexuality (monosexism)"
Yeah, and it’s somehow lesbians systematically oppressing you? Shit, we don’t even get to say no to dick anymore without being called bigots, and you think we’re on par with straights when it comes to systematically oppressing you? That’s a laugh.
"or even that we have het passing privilege"
So what do you call it when a bi woman dates a man, holds his hand, kisses him in the street, can sign a lease, introduce him to her parents without being disowned, marry and legally have children and serve as next of kin in the case of an emergency?
Cause I don’t have any of that. Sounds an awful lot like privilege to me.
"Biphobia and sapphobia in the LG community in general actually it’s really really gross."
As is lesbophobia, but you keep going despite that, dontcha
"The recent #difemina fiasco where a bunch of multisexual women were chased out of a tag created for solidarity between mogai women."
Gosh, yeah, I’m feeling that solidarity, Emi. Do you want to sing kumbaya before or after you strip the lesbian community of its words, voice and agency?
"What Lesbians Think About Bisexuals"
When of course, we have such lovely examples of what you think about lesbians. Don’t go throwing stones, Emi, you’re nowhere near innocent.
"slurs like bihet and dick worshipper"
As opposed to “monosexual”, which lumps us in nonconsensually with the same people that look for any excuse to correctively rape us? God, yeah, I can see how being nonconsensually renamed would be unpleasant.
"Basically there’s a lot of shit directed at multisexual people from the LG communities and I very rarely see people from those communities collecting their trash, which makes it a double whammy of being attacked and then not being supported either."
Really? Defending ourselves against people like you, who’d rename us, steal our words, tell us we’re fucking wrong and then have the temerity to act offended when you get pushback, is somehow being trash?
How about not treating lesbians like shit. Maybe you’d get more support.
"I’d just really really like to see LG people take an interest in multisexual people’s issues"
Why should we? You appropriative fucks don’t give a damn about us, and throw us under the bus at any chance.
I don’t owe you shit, least of all my interest.
"and stick up for us when we’re getting flak."
You’re catching shit you earned.
"Like, own the fact that biphobia is a big issue in yr community and work to fix it please?"
We will, the day you start tackling the lesbophobia in yours. I won’t hold my breath.
"Because I see people accepting and tackling other oppressive views in their community but mysteriously not biphobia, which makes me feel p. alone, alienated, and unwanted in my own community"
Try not being a thieving asshole and people might care more about your feelings.
"when I do get LG people either spreading misinformation or deliberately being toxic.
so yeah. x:”
Because all of this was OG. yeah, this pity-party shit is getting old. You say fucked up things, throw lesbians under the bus as easily as you draw breath and then you get all sad panda because the mean old lesbos won’t kiss your ass? Grow up, Emi.
So, bi woman weighing in on this here and I’m just gonna comment on the stuff I have the knowledge to answer to
I think there’s a basic assumption held within this post that bi women, given the choice, will almost always choose men. Which, in my experience, isn’t the case. It’s assuming that bi women would ‘choose heterosexuality’, given the choice, which is just plain offensive. Never mind the fact that not all bi women are even interested in men anyway.
As for the use of the term ‘femme’, yes lesbians created and used those terms for 200 years. But the term ‘femme’ was coined by Anne Lister to refer to her partner Marianna Lawton who was married to a man (“plus femme que moi”). Unless we’re to assume that Marianna did not love her husband (something for which I don’t know there’s any evidence) then it is safe to assume that Marianna was bisexual, meaning that the term femme can be used by bi women.
The term ‘sexually available’ is really gross because it assumes consent. Being ‘sexually available’ to men implies that bi women will always automatically want to have sex with men (which is really not true) and is really a sign of the hypersexualisation of bisexual women. A sexualisation which makes bi women such common victims of sexual assault (including corrective rape).
I’m not a lesbian so I’m not gonna comment on the ‘gold star’ thing.
I don’t know the percentage of bi women who end up in long term relationships with men, I don’t know if that study’s been done. And of those women, I don’t know how many of them specifically left a lesbian for a man. It’s a stereotype which is used to exclude bisexuals (women and otherwise) from the MOGAI community so is not very helpful.
As for the ‘bi for attention’ stereotype, it’s exceedingly harmful. It assumes that bi women’s sexuality is just a performance for heterosexual men. It is part and parcel of the hypersexualisation of bi women and is one of the reasons why rates of sexual assault amongst bi women are so high.
I’m not convinced by monosexism as an axis of oppression so I’m not gonna go there. Though, I am gonna say that there needs to be conversations about the nature of lateral violence within the MOGAI community that don’t involve attempts to invalidate bisexuals.
But, saying being a lesbian is synonymous with ‘saying no to dick’ (i.e. not having sex with someone with a penis) is both inaccurate and offensive. Lots of asexual women ‘say no to dick’, lots of bi women ‘say no to dick’ and there are lesbians with penises. You don’t have to have sex with someone with a penis, of course not, (and you are welcome to define your sexuality as ‘saying no to dick’ but lots of men don’t have penises so idk how useful it is) but defining lesbianism in terms of genitalia erases the existence of many trans and intersex lesbians so it’s not ok.
The nature of straight passing privilege is a very thorny one. On the one hand, yes it’s true that being in a straight-appearing relationship can protect bi women from certain kinds of violence in cetain situations. But not being disowned, not being attacked on the street etc. also applies to closeted gay people. In addition, bi women in relationships with men face higher rates of intimate partner violence than their straight counterparts which is definitely not a privilege. The ‘passing privilege’ conversation is one that needs to be had but right now it only ever seems to be used to delegitimise the sexualities of bi women in straight-appearing relationships which is, again, not helpful
Honestly, calling lesbians out on the way that they erase and harm bisexual women isn’t lesbophobia. Demanding to be held equal members of a community and movement bi women were instrumental in founding is not lesbophobia. Being angry and upset by the fact that there are countless stories of bi women being made to feel unwelcome and even unsafe in ‘LGB’ spaces is not lesbophobia.
I didn’t watch the #difemina thing because tags are often a hot mess anyway so I’m not gonna comment on that.
I’m not sure that lesbians really know what bisexual women think about them. In my experience, bisexual women are angry and hurt and upset because the women we are supposed to be able to rely on, the women who are supposed to be our allies, seem to spend more time trying to paint us a straight people in disguise, as uppity het-allies, as interlopers and invaders than actually trying to work with us to build the MOGAI community further. I think that lesbians often see that anger and mistake it for the same lesbophobia they experience from men.
Bihet implies that bi women are secretly heterosexual which is, you know, offensive as hell. ‘Dick worshipper’ I assume is referring to men with penises? If so, it’s transphobic as fuck. And if it is referring to men with penises then it, again, assumes that bi women always automatically want to have sex with (cis)men. The term ‘monosexual’ is a loaded one and one that I am not 100% convinced is entirely useful but it doesn’t invalidate your sexuality in the way that ‘bihet’ does.
Where is this magical support? Because I don’t know of a time when bisexuals have been supported by homosexuals. The moment (cis) gay men and lesbians got their own community and formed a movement they were very eager to forget about the bisexuals (and trans people, but that’s another post) who were there from the start. We are consistently made to feel unwelcome and unsafe in ‘LGBT’ spaces, our presence only tolerated if we don’t even try to bring up the experiences of bi people. Accusations of lesbophobia/homophobia from the bi community are constantly there and is something that bi people are constantly aware of. But when even mentioning the fact that ‘LGBT’ spaces are unsafe for bi people is labelled as homophobia/lesbophobia, isn’t it possible that we’re gonna get just a little bit skeptical?
We’re not asking lesbians to kiss our asses. That’s really all you get from everything bi women talk about? What we’re (or at least what I’m) asking is that LGBT spaces acknowledge and celebrate bi history like they do gay and lesbian history, that bi people aren’t effectively chased out of pride events, that bi-focussed groups are given the same access to funding and resources and gay/lesbian ones, that bi women are allowed to use terms that apply to us.
Cosigned as a bi woman who isn’t attracted to men.
It’s very difficult to tell if Lawton was what we’d now recognise as bi or lesbian, but as mentioned above she had relationships with men and women, and unless there’s evidence from her confirming who she’s attracted to we can only guess. Plus, Lister used a loan-word from French that could easily not have even had LGB connotations. As far as I’ve ever seen, no one else uses the word the way she does until the 1900s, where it’s used by the LGB community as a whole, not just lesbian women. I absolutely fail to see what grounds there are to claim this is a lesbian-exclusive term.
As for hetero passing privilege, if you think it exists you have to concede that’s something absolutely every closeted person accesses. As soon as we’re outed as not hetero, that shit is gone regardless of relationship status. And let’s not sit here pretending that one-to-one interactions with individuals are somehow on the same level as systematic and institutionalised oppression/privilege. Just because I’m not actively harassed on the street doesn’t mean I don’t experience misogyny, biphobia, sapphobia, and homophobia.